Funny Chinese Quotes

Well, don’t expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.”
― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay
Chris Rock
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named “Bush”, “Dick”, and “Colin.” Need I say more?”
― Chris Rock
Billy Sunday
“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
― Billy Sunday, Billy Sunday, the Man and His Message: With His Own Words Which Have Won Thousands for Christ
Phyllis Diller
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
― Phyllis Diller
George Carlin
“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
― George Carlin
John Green
“What the hell is that?” I laughed.
“It’s my fox hat.”
“Your fox hat?”
“Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat.”
“Why are you wearing your fox hat?” I asked.
“Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
Ellen DeGeneres
“Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously… I’m Kidding
Mark Twain
“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
― Mark Twain
Marilyn Monroe
“It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
― Marilyn Monroe
John Green
“They love their hair because they’re not smart enough to love something more interesting.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
Lemony Snicket
“Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
Cathy Guisewite
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”
― Cathy Guisewite
Albert Einstein
“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
― Albert Einstein

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